Encore of Pregnancy Limericks

Per a friend's request, here is an encore of my pregnancy limericks:

There was a young woman named Sonia

Who feasted on Cake and Lasagna

Her belly got big

As she supped like a pig

But she was pregnant, so folks said “Good on ya!”

Squeezing out my little baby’s head

Fills me with a sense of dread

Will I push mainland China

Through the hole in my vagina

Or is he Luxembourg instead?

There was a young wife from Ipswitch

Whose labor was a terrible bitch

The pain she couldn’t bare

When she felt her parts tear

Still she asked for the “daddy stitch!”

There was a little fetus named Scooter

Whose in utero pic couldn’t be cuter

In Vegas conceived

His parents perceived

His daddy must be a straight shooter!

There was a young lady from Leicester

Well into her third trimester

She cleaned with great feeling

Even scrubbed down the ceiling

Not a bird, but still quite a nester. 

My baby will soon be blessed

To feed from his mommy’s breast

My boobs a food source

As a matter of course

Milk and love to be expressed.                        

A knocked-up girl from Monroe

Sought fame which seemed apropos

Although not her plan

Once her labor began

She was the star of her own bloody show.

Labor stories are meant to scare

Though I’m pregnant with nary a care

My water may break

While I’m out having steak

But the chance is medium-rare.

A baby bump is very impressive

When circumference becomes quite excessive

To get around your gut

And clean up your butt

With T.P. you must be aggressive.

I prefer my skin smooth and bare

Sleek legs with no public hair

But I’m shaped like a keg

I can’t reach my legs

And I guess there’s a beaver down there?