Lessons Learned from Big Hero 6

The villain in Big Hero 6 harbors great animosity, triggered by the fallout from loss. Darkness wells up inside him and eclipses any good he may have had left. He plots revenge (a familiar trope), and loses his humanity. This serves to remind us that, if we don't tend to the issues causing us pain, we can become lesser monsters in our own right. What we fail to reconcile can ruin us.

I wanted another child but have had two miscarriages instead. My only child has developmental issues. I am now too old to have another. I must come to accept these things. Meanwhile, I have dear, dear friends with the family they have always wanted, the two or more "normal" children. I have dear, dear friends who are pregnant right now. I have a younger sister with an infant I have never met.

I don't have difficulty feeling happy for them, exactly, but I don't want to talk with them about the things they have that I don't. At least right now. I'd rather surround myself with women whose experience of motherhood is similar to my own. That is, whose story is complicated and made up of both high points and low. It feels familiar.

But there are times when I admit my antidepressants have given me a nice, thick rind, which allows me to cope, to be capable, to be high-functioning. Here's the problem with a rind, though: The way we chose to ripen what is inside us determines whether our pulp will be bitter or sweet. I struggle with this at times. Choosing between sourness and sweetness. Practicing gratitude. Trying not to be a dick because other people get to have more than me, especially when so many have less.

I know I don't want to lose my humanity like the man behind the Kabuki mask.

Big Hero 6 celebrates the triumphs of science. Moreover, it demonstrates how intellect can be a stand-in for strength. Hiro, and the rest of the "nerds," use their big brains to innovate. They develop tools based on quantum electronics, chemistry, electromagnetics, pyrotechnics, and so on. The heroes in this movie are such because they can out-think antagonists.

What is also made clear is that science itself is just a means to an end. In all the debates about the morality of technological and scientific advancements, we must remember that the discovery or creation of something only becomes an evil when it is used for nefarious purposes. Otherwise, it is neutral until activated.

I love the science working in my life right now. My son takes an anti-seizure medicine. You can imagine how grateful we are for that breakthrough. He takes another medication that allows him to function at a level high enough that, more often than not, he is indiscernible from the neuro-normative kids his age. I take a medication that helps me out of bed and into the morning light. We are the poster people for better living through chemistry.

Other more straight-foward points from the movie that resonate:

Nurses are important in the world of medicine (My husband is a nurse): "On a scale of one to ten, how would you rate your pain?"

Though it is debatable whether there is an afterlife, or a soul, those we have lost can remain a presence in our lives if we hold the memory of them inside us: "Tadashi is here."

Family can be a construct. For my son, who will be an only child, I hope he may find "family" outside of our small nuclear unit: "Hiro, if I could have any superpower right now, it would be the ability to crawl through this camera and give you a big hug."

There are times when we all need to be comforted: "People keep saying he's not really gone, as long as we remember him. But it still hurts."

To review:

Don't let disappointment and loss turn you into an asshole.
Remember that you can think your way out of difficult situations.
Science is your friend.
Nurses matter.
Keep the flame burning for those you mourn.
We can cultivate family.

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